9 Tips on How to Stop Codependency Anxiety [From a Therapist]
Hi, I'm Dr. Nicole Moore. I'm a licensed psychologist and the owner of Vital Therapy DC, a therapy practice serving children, teenagers, and adults in the greater Washington, DC area.
As a therapist, I've seen firsthand how painful codependency and anxiety can be. Thankfully, I've also seen that it's possible to heal your codependent tendencies, find calm, and form healthy relationships.
Our therapists in DC can help you do just that. At the same time, I understand that therapy may not be accessible for everyone, or you may not be ready to start that process.
Here, I've compiled some of my favorite tips for coping with codependency and anxiety that you can try at home today. While they're not a replacement for therapy, they can help you on your codependency recovery journey.
Let's dive in.
9 tips for coping with codependency and anxiety
These tips can help you break free from codependent relationships and improve your mental health. I've sorted them by difficulty so you can start at the level that feels right for you.
Codependency anxiety tips for beginners
1. Learn more about codependency anxiety.
Example: Listen to podcasts about codependency.
How to do it: Research on Google or your favorite podcast apps. Check out our roundup of codependency podcasts for suggestions!
2. Use breathing strategies.
Example: 4-7-8 method.
How to do it: Inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, and exhale for eight seconds. Making your exhale longer than your inhale can produce a calming effect.
3. Practice self-care.
Example: Get regular exercise.
How to do it: Moving your body regularly can help combat the mental and physical symptoms that come along with anxiety. Try walking, yoga, dancing, or any other type of movement you prefer.
Intermediate codependent anxiety coping skills
4. Try affirmations.
Example: "I am not responsible for other people's feelings."
How to do it: Write your favorite affirmations on a sticky note and place them on your mirror so you see them each morning. You can also listen to audio recordings of affirmations while you're getting ready or commuting to work.
5. Develop mindfulness skills.
Example: Try a body scan.
How to do it: Sit or lie down and guide your attention across each part of your body, noticing what sensations are there. (You can also listen to a guided body scan meditation). This will help to grow your awareness of how you feel.
6. Practice self-compassion.
Example: Talk to yourself like you would a friend who's struggling with low self-esteem.
How to do it: Notice when critical thoughts pop up and gently reframe them. You can also use worksheets or workbooks, such as The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, to help guide you.
Advanced strategies for coping with codependency
7. Build social support.
Example: Attend a support group.
How to do it: Find a meeting through the Codependents Anonymous website. Both in-person, online, and phone meetings are available.
8. Cultivate your own identity.
Example: Find an activity or hobby that you try by yourself.
How to do it: Use Google or social media to find groups, activities, or classes in your area. Depending on your interests, you could try a book club, recreational sports team, art class, or any other kind of activity that sounds appealing.
9. Set healthy boundaries.
Example: Set limits around your time and emotional capacity.
How to do it: Say you feel overwhelmed by your partner launching into the details of their day right when you get home from work. Express this to your partner by saying something like, "I want to hear about your day, but I can't give you my full attention right now. I'm going to take a shower first, then I'll be ready to talk more."
In my experience
As a therapist, I see many people with classic anxiety symptoms like frequent worry, difficulty relaxing, racing thoughts, and more. Often, these individuals get diagnosed with conditions like generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, or social anxiety disorder.
While these diagnoses are valid, I believe that we need to dig deeper to truly get to the root of your experience instead of just managing anxiety symptoms. Often (but not always), anxiety can stem from a dysfunctional relationship with a caregiver.
By taking a deep dive into your personal background, early life experiences, and relationships, we can help you make shifts that will lead to true, lasting healing. The strategies I provided above are a great starting point, but I see real changes start to happen when people fully invest in the therapy process.
FAQs about anxiety and codependency
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Codependency isn't a diagnosis like depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (though it can occur alongside these conditions). According to the American Psychological Association (APA), it refers to a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which two people are emotionally dependent on each other.
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No, codependency itself isn't a symptom of an anxiety disorder. However, people who engage in codependent relationships often experience anxiety symptoms. In my experience as a therapist, I often see anxiety resulting from codependent relationship patterns.
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Codependency is a type of relationship pattern and borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health diagnosis. People with BPD may experience codependent relationships, but you can struggle with codependent behaviors without having BPD.
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People with codependency often have an insecure attachment style, which includes an anxious attachment style. Other insecure forms of attachment include avoidant attachment and disorganized attachment. Therapy can help you identify which pattern you have and learn to establish secure relationships.
Get the professional, compassionate support you need to overcome codependency.
If you're ready to dive into your codependency anxiety healing journey, we're here to help. Our anxiety therapists in DC can give you the emotional support and expert insight you need to gain insight into your patterns and create a personalized plan to help feel more at ease and build healthy relationships.