9 Ways to Start Healing from Grief Today

Takeaway: When you’re in the midst of grief, it might feel like it will never end. While there’s no way to undo your loss or get rid of your grief altogether, these tips can help you move forward and start to rebuild your life after loss. 

Understanding grief

Grief is a natural response to loss. While everyone experiences grief at some point in their lives, the feelings that come with loss can profoundly impact a person's mental, emotional, and even physical health.

While grief and loss may be unavoidable, learning about different types of losses and what the grieving process consists of can help you better understand what you're going through and provide validation for the emotions you're experiencing.

Types of loss

We often associate grief and loss with the death of a loved one. Of course, losing a friend, family member, pet, member of the community, or even a respected public figure is a painful, significant form of loss.

At the same time, it's important to acknowledge the other kinds of loss that a person can experience. Some common non-death losses include:

• Loss of a relationship, potentially through breakup or divorce

• Loss of financial security, such as losing your job

• Loss of identity. For example, an empty nester might struggle to find themselves now that their children have moved out.

• Loss of health, such as being diagnosed with a chronic illness or experiencing an accident

• Loss of opportunity, like missing out on a promotion or chance to achieve your dream

This isn't an exhaustive list. Loss can come in many different shapes and sizes, and it's important to acknowledge the impact of loss no matter how "big" or "small" it may seem.

Forms of grief

Similarly, there are different forms of grief. While each person navigates the grief process in their own unique way, understanding the various ways that grief can impact someone can help to validate your own experience.

• "Typical" grief. Research shows that most people experience acute grief (e.g. intense feelings of sadness, preoccupation with thoughts about the loss and/or memories about the deceased person, etc.) directly following the loss. After about 6-12 months, these individuals then experience integrated grief, meaning that they've accepted the reality of the loss and they can re-engage in daily life without being overwhelmed by grief.

• Prolonged grief disorder. People with prolonged grief disorder (also known as complicated grief) experience acute grief for longer than average. This can make it difficult to function in their day-to-day lives. According to the American Psychological Association, risk factors for complicated grief include having an existing mood disorder, being a caretaker for the person who passed away prior to their death, and experiencing a sudden or traumatic loss.

• Anticipatory grief. This form of grief can occur when you're expecting a loss, even when it hasn't happened yet. For example, if one of your family members is diagnosed with a terminal illness, you might begin to grieve even before they actually pass away.

These are just a few examples of the different forms of grief. Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and your grief reaction is valid even if it doesn't fit within one of the categories listed above.

9 strategies to help you heal from grief

As a grief counselor, I help people navigate all kinds of different losses. These are some of the strategies I suggest to my clients, no matter which stage of the grieving process they're currently in. Hopefully, they can help you heal from grief as well.

1. Read, listen, and learn about grief.

Getting more information about grief and loss can be a comfort for some people on their grief journey. For certain people, learning about the science behind grief can be helpful. Check out this NYT article on the biology of grief or this interview about how grief changes the brain.

It can also be healing to hear about other people's experiences with grief. Podcasts like Terrible, Thanks for Asking highlight stories about loss, and books like "Loss: Poems to Better Weather the Many Waves of Grief" by Donna Ashworth share poems that may resonate with different points of your grief journey.

At the same time, I'd like to warn against over-intellectualizing your grief. If you're not familiar with this concept, it refers to using thoughts or logic as a way to avoid difficult feelings. I'm not advocating for explaining your feelings away using what you learn about grief, but it can be extremely validating to know that you're not alone in your experience.

2. Let yourself feel your feelings.

As I started to explain above, leaning into your emotions is a key part of the grieving process. Cycling through feelings like sadness, anger, numbness, confusion, guilt, and even relief can all be part of the natural process that is grief.

Of course, letting yourself feel your feelings can be easier said than done. Many of these emotions can be intense and painful, and we might even experience shame around some of them. However, avoiding your feelings can lead to unresolved grief, which studies show can be associated with issues like depression.

On that note, I love sharing this quote with my clients: “The only way out is through.” There is profound meaning and wisdom in this quote by Robert Frost. In my experience, the only way to make it to the other side of grief is to feel your way through it. The process can be painful and feel unending, so it is important to have people you can lean on along the way. A therapist can be a useful person to walk alongside you in that journey.

3. Find ways to honor who or what you lost.

Healing from grief doesn't mean forgetting about the loss or pretending like it never happened. When someone you love dies, or you experience another form of loss, it's important to spend time honoring who or what you lost.

This looks different for everyone and can depend on the specific form of loss you experienced. However, some examples to try include planting a tree in honor of the loss, writing a letter to the person or thing you lost, or having a memorial, whether in the form of a funeral, celebration of life, or a symbolic ceremony to honor a non-death loss.

4. Let yourself rest.

Grief can be incredibly draining. You might feel more tired than usual and/or have difficulty sleeping. The emotional toll of grief can also make it hard to function in your day-to-day life without feeling completely exhausted.

Know that this can be a normal response to a significant loss, and you deserve rest during this challenging time. Let yourself say no to extra plans or commitments and give yourself permission to do nothing if that's what you need.

5. Challenge yourself to prioritize self-care.

At the same time, resting doesn't necessarily mean letting everything go. Rather, it's about pulling back where you can and putting what energy you do have into taking care of yourself.

This doesn't have to be anything elaborate. Maybe you can get yourself to go on a short walk around the block to get some fresh air or practice self-compassion with a 5-minute guided meditation. Even if you don't feel like doing these things for yourself, taking these small steps can ultimately go a long way in healing from grief.

6. Use creative outlets.

Art can be a helpful way for a grieving person to express their emotions when words fall short. You don't need to consider yourself an artist to benefit from using a creative medium to process your grief.

Drawing, painting, making a collage, sculpting, creating music, singing, dancing, and other forms of creative expression can be a powerful outlet during the grieving process. Let yourself explore which methods might feel good for you.

7. Remember the importance of physical health.

Grief isn't just an emotional state. It can also have a profound impact on a person's physical health. When you're grieving, you might experience sleep problems, fatigue, changes in appetite, and even physical pain.

Caring for your physical health is also important during this time. There are plenty of low-energy ways to do this, like gentle stretching, short walks, regular meals (consider meal delivery services or frozen meals if needed), and drinking plenty of water.

8. Connect with something greater than yourself.

Many people find comfort in spirituality during the grieving process. For some, this takes the form of organized religion. Others might connect with their spirituality through their own practices and rituals, taking time in nature, or meditating.

Even if you don't identify as a spiritual person, connecting to something larger than yourself can help you start healing from grief. You may consider volunteering or finding a way to connect with your community during this time.

9. Lean on your support network.

No one should have to navigate grief alone. Leaning on friends and family members during this time is essential. You may also consider attending support groups, either virtual or online, you help you heal from grief.

Grief counseling can be another way to find support during this difficult time. Working with a trained therapist can help you process your experience, make space to feel all of your emotions, and find a path forward.

At Vital Therapy, our team provides support for the entire family. Our Washington DC grief counselors take an in-depth approach to help you fully embrace all of the feelings that come along with grief and loss. We also focus on building trusting, supportive therapeutic relationships with each of our clients so you know that you have a partner through the healing process.

If you're interested in learning more about how we can help you, we invite you to reach out. We offer free consultations so you can get a sense of whether we're the right grief therapists for you. We look forward to connecting with you, and we ultimately hope that all can find peace in their grief.